I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
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Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
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How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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