Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
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we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
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You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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