my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
lol hangovers are for mortals.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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