i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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