you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
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It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
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Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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