She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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