if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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