doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
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