i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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