I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
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