brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
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I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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