I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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