Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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