Betty ford says i'm here all night
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize