Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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