I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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