Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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