I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize