i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
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did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
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I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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