I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
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thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
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Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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