Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
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I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
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WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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