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My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
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