i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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