Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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