Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
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I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
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Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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