I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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