I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
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I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
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Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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