but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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