Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
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Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
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If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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