just survived the first fart of the relationship.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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