found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize