Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
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