My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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