Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I have post one night stand depression
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