Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
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Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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