I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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