i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
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The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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