After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize