ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
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We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
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