It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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