i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize