first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize