How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
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What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
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"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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