I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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