I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
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