Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
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She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
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Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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