just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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