that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
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walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
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Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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