I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
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I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
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