I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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